Goddexx leads you through an I Am meditation.
My name is La Espiritista or you can refer to me as Goddexx. (They/Goddexx)
I am currently based in Seattle, WA in Duwamish territory.
Some of my identities:
I am Mixed Latinx (Indigineous, African, and European) with heritages from Peru and Cuba
I am trans, non-binary, and genderfluid
I am queer
I am sober and in recovery
I am polyam and non-monog
I am kinky and BDSM positive
I am neurodivergent
I am able-bodied
I am light skinned
I am first generation
I am a citizen of the U.S.
I am living with PTSD
I am living with a disability
I am on the ace spectrum
I am someone who came from a poor socioeconomic background & am evolving upward
I am a college graduate
I am single and in love
I am love
I am fluid
I am expressive
I am expansive
I am divinity embodied
I am sacred
I am highly sensual
I am highly sexual
I am highly spiritual
I am whole
And I am Goddexx.
I grew up in an extremely religious household under the influence of Catholicism. Since a very young age, I have had a deep connection to spirit and learned that people valued my intuition, guidance, and insight. When I came into my first evolution of queerness at 14 years old, I thought I could no longer be spiritual and express my most holistic self. My shame caused me to demonize myself and I began to drink, developed a vicious eating disorder, and fell into various cycles of self-sabotage until my mid-late 20s.
When I began my medical transition from female to Goddexx in 2014, spiritual transformation began to take place. I started to connect back to my ancestors and spirit guides. I started to channel their messages through performance, word conjuring, intuitive readings, and vivid dreams. I was told to connect back to the earth again and connect with the Orishas (forces of nature of the Yoruba people). I learned how genocide, colonization, and white supramacy forced many Indiginous and African people to give up their spiritual and religious traditions. I learned how this history courses through my blood as someone who descends both from the colonizer and the colonized. I learned how repression, punishment, and domination was used as a means of control.
I repressed so many of my desires because the words “I want” were associated with the devil. Pleasure was deemed opposite to spirit. To be queer, trans, polyam + the many other identities I hold meant to defy the rules given by “God” and transcend into a world of expression, empowerment, and embodiment. For some reason, this was deemed sinful and I was taught through a fear-based model of Catholicism that only through a life of sacrifice and suffering, one could truly be aligned with spirit.
But these ideologies are wrong.
Spirituality, Sexuality, and Sensuality can exist altogether and in fact our connection to our queerness, transness, and fluidity, brings us closer to spirit. Binaries don’t actually exist in a static, containers do. Concepts are constantly shifting, merging, separating, and flowing into new forms.
My first experience with embarking on my medical transition to affirm my gender is the moment I began to reclaim my spirit. I remembered that I could be spiritually wise and sexually liberated. That I could feel desire and harness my expression as magic. That I could encompass the expansiveness of all my identities and be divinity embodied - A Goddexx.
As a Goddexx, reclaiming my spirit and wisdom has been a slow and sacred journey- releasing my traumas, renewing my pleasure, retreating into my shadows, and rebirthing my being. Each new cycle brings an abundance of epiphanies worth celebrating. Each transformation is a reminder of my inherent worthiness for my own love, compassion, and forgiveness. I am informed by my past, living in the present, and simultaneously conjuring the present and future I have always desired. I am worthy of infinite love. I am worthy of fluidity. I am worthy of my desires.
And so are you.
La Espiritista or Goddexx (They/Goddexx) is a Brujx, Word Conjuror, and Performer currently based out of Seattle, WA (occupied Duwamish land). They are the author of “Butterfly: Una Transformación,” a collection of poetry which speaks about the process of inner transformation through four phases of metamorphosis: release. renewal. retreat. rebirth. Their art is a manifesta- tion of their exploration of queer spirituality. They believe performance is ritual and offer a variety of spiritual services.